and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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