She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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