Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
