nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
