I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
