how can u be prego again
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
