I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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