this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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