Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
