I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
