Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
