You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
