I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
