Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
