So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
