Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I touched a dick in church today
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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