if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In other news, I just burned my penis
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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