There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
