She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
