I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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