What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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