I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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