his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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