It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
