my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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