I'm really into asian looking animals
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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