If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
