I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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