I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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