Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
