maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
