apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
