I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
