i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Green mimosas i think yes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
