some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
