I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
