I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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