Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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