Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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