No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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