make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
