and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
