just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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