I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
