I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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