You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
