You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
