i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Boobs speak an international language.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
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One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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