Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This toilet bowl is my home.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
