some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize