Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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