It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
