Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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