Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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