dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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