It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My penis needs a shock collar
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
