so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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