I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
