Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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