Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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