i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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