I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
