Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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