Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
