in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Me too!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
