return my video game
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
