I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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