i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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