oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
