why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
