...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
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Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize