She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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