New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
