At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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