my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
