I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
