I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's the barista slut.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
