God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
