She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
where am i from again
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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