I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
