You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
