He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
