I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
