I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
