i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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