Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
