Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
