He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
