One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize