I think my vagina is haunted
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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